In a church that requires chastity but a world in which random hookups are the norm, what about the plight of single adults who are well past the average Mormon dating age? Or even more difficult, what about those divorced members who are committed to the law of chastity, but also facing the dating scene again? Today’s guest post is by Single Mormon Chick who also blogs at The Law of Chastity and the Modern Mormon Girl.
I was sooooooooooooooooo naive. I actually thought I would find my personal Peter Priesthood on one of those sites. What a joke! I feel compelled to give the following disclaimer. I am not, nor do I claim to be anything close to perfect. I am no Molly. I can’t carry a tune or play the piano. Prairie skirts and fluffy bangs look horrible on me (I know–I am dating myself).
But seriously, I am a cool chick and I made a commitment before I even started dating at 16 to keep the law of chastity. After my divorce, I committed myself again to following the law of chastity. It wasnt easy. Those feelings and desires just dont go away when you sign the divorce papers. I was married to a non-member, and when I started thinking about dating again, I figured I would date both members and non-members. My first “relationship” was with a non-member. I was crazy for this guy and he was crazy for me, but he just could not wrap his mind around two adults being in love and not having sex. It was difficult to explain. I had been sexually active, and now I was just going to stop? Was I insane? Frigid? A little of both?
When I broke up with that guy, I decided that I would date only members. Even if they didnt follow the law of chastity themselves, they would get why I did. Right? WRONG! After I signed up and logged on, it was like I was the “belle of the ball.” It was a huge ego boost, but what I soon realized is that it had very little to do with me. I was simply fresh meat and the sharks were circling.
After the frenzy died down, there were 2 or 3 men that I continued to IM and email, but where it got interesting is about every week or so I would get a new “hit”–someone would just pop in with an IM and start flirting with me. Hard. When i would look at their profiles I would find that the majority of these guys were KIDS. I mean KIDS: age range from 21(hello horny RM) to 26. This really surprised me. I was so out of their age bracket. I even asked them, “Did you notice my age?” and got responses along the lines of “Older chicks are cool!”
What I quickly learned is the reason older chicks are “cool” is because many of us are divorced which means we were previously sexually active, and quite possibly more open to being sexually active now and teaching a few things to the youngsters. One of the kids actually told me “everything, but . . .” was OK, and you would be worthy to keep your temple recommend. What?! One young man was looking for a more geographically convenient hookup. There was one girl he had been “seeing” on the other side of town, and he was talking to me because I lived in his area. Are you feeling all warm and fuzzy? A few tears coming to your eyes? I met a lot of men on those sites. Some were nice. Of all the men I met, I am still on friendly terms with two.
My conclusion is, for the most part, that the LDS dating sites are cyber singles bars where men (women, too, I am sure) can easily hide the big ole skeletons in their closet behind pretending to be a faithful (notice I didnt say perfect) member of the church.
So, what can single (or divorced) adults of a certain age do if they want to keep the law of chastity while dating? Is it a lost cause? What are your experiences with Mormon dating sites? Is chastity after divorce unrealistic? Have any of you experienced the “Reverse Cougar” described above (young Mormon male seeks experienced hot older female)? Is there a better way?