Everybody blogs, right? Why not me? Looking for my niche, my angle, and the one thing that seemed to make me stand out in my corner of the world. I found it: Being single. And 40. And Mormon. In a family ward. In a town where EVERYONE is under 30, sealed in the temple and constantly reproducing. The best humor is found in our painful life experiences. Read about mine and laugh with me. Or at me. Whichever.
I went through the Sonic drive thru today to get my first root beer float of the season which made me think of a date I went on with a guy I met on lds dating site . I had been on an lds dating site a few months and was getting a little worn out from all the b.s(does that count as profanity? I am saying “no” and leaving it!)and thinking of just bailing on the whole thing when an im popped up saying saying “hi”. We had a nice chat. He was a gentleman without being a dork, funny, and smart. He asked for my email,I gave it to him(shocking, isn’t it?)and I got an email from him the next day. He sent it from his own email account, so it showed his name and it seemed familiar to me. Strangely familiar. We emailed back and forth a few times before it hit me that I had gone to school with this guy!
He was a year behind me in a big high school. I knew who he was, but never socialized with him. When I emailed him back, I asked if he was the same Joe Schmoe that went to Anytown High School. It was him! He was as shocked as I was. I never thought he would remember who I was, but he did. It was a fun start. We emailed for a bit and he started asking me out. I wasnt hesitant, but we had a hard time coordinating schedules.
He had two daughters that he has full custody of that he had to wrangle around. We finally set it up to go get ice cream(I think it was November, but who cares?). We met in a bank parking lot(he thought it would be safer to leave my car there)and I hopped into his car. The conversation came easy. He was really funny without trying too hard and we had a lot of parallel experiences from our youth to refer to.
We had not decided where to go for ice cream and the choices were slim in my neck of the woods. We ended up driving to a town about 30 miles away to get root beer floats at Sonic. The town is small and Sonic is considered fine dining. The only other thing this town can claim is the fact it hosts probably 4 or 5 different prisons. We hit the drive through and just drove around from prison to prison talking. Joking about the fact we were cruising prison parking lots drinking root beer floats.
It was a nice date. Some might consider it boring, but we talked a lot and I think we hit it off. I worried about the fact that he told me that he thought the church needed to relax the law of chastity for divorced members. We had a pretty intellectual conversation about it, but it nagged at me. I am glad he was up front about it, but where do you go from there? He is pretty much telling me that he expects sex before marriage on the first date! He has a right to get what he wants, but I just wasn’t going to be the girl to give it to him.
It’s difficult to describe the feeling that situation creates in me. Here is a nice guy. I know he likes me. It’s obvious that we are hitting it off, but right out of the gate, we arent compatible because I will always be defending my choice of abstinence and he will alway be promoting his agenda of a healthy sexual relationship between two consenting adults. Then me thinking he is thinking I dont like sex, dont want sex, and religious inspired abstinence is my get out of sex free card.Telling a guy on the first date that you can’t wait to get married and get your freak on doesnt seem all that prudent. I hate trying to defend my desire for a righteous and healthy sexual relationship with the man I marry. Convincing someone that they won’t be left wanting doesn’t seem very lady like. Sigh.