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  1. So I’m trying to understand what it is to be an ally. I’ve attend conferences. I have sought out individuals whom I can show acceptance and love and other whom I can shed light on LGBT issues. Now I hear, just as I hear in church, that I’m only a parade ally, and that there are different levels of allyship. It feels a lot like what I feel on Sunday. I just can’t get to the full measure of being an Ally, because those who are great allies will always be more righteous. I’ll pass on being affiliated with the self-righteous who look down on the lesser allies like me, who will never be numbered among you because of my “privilege.”

  2. One of the best attributes of this podcast was that the panel presented different approaches towards being an advocate and on the value of allies.

    Judy is awesome and rides the line of meeting people where they are, lovingly encouraging them to break down their own prejudice, and being a strong ally of unprivileged individuals. Her approach of love, faith, and personal revelation is one that connects with people and, in my opinion, is the best approach towards changing institutional viewpoints, especially within Mormonism. I think a lot of members don’t really see a way to be faithful and to morph themselves into allies and, as a result, just stay quiet and complicit.

    I loved that Mark was honest about the value of the quiet service that he gives. To me, the type of work that he is doing is the epitome of of being an ally as he is using his circumstances and abilities to give voice to others. I also think that his perspective could provide a very realistic method for others, who may not deal well with confrontation or who may not be extroverted, to engage themselves in giving voice to others.

    Jerilyn isn’t afraid to use her abilities and circumstances to give voice to others either. Although I caught myself being a little uncomfortable with how she attempted to define ally and her approach to being an outspoken advocate, I recognized that part of transforming myself into a better advocate is to not shy away from being uncomfortable and to challenge how I define myself as an “ally”.

    I also greatly appreciated the push back that Dan had in response to Jerilyn’s comments about two types of allies and the inferred lack of value of the parade allies. Although the discussion eventually touched on the positive value of the allies that march in parades and engage how/where they feel comfortable, I think the negative connotation associated with people advocating where they feel comfortable creates barriers to entry into a world of being better allies.

    To me, I feel like I have had a transformation that resulted in a shift towards compassion and empathy for other individuals, including unprivileged people. I know I have engaged in many conversations with friends and families where I have challenged prejudice that I feel has resulted in more compassion all around. My wife and I have reached out to friends and family that suffer judgment and belittling and expressed our love. We have, occasionally, even outwardly pushed back on overt prejudice and continue to look for ways to challenge the notions of our circle of people and ourselves. All that being said, I am not where Jerilyn is and I am sure that I don’t meet her definition of being an ally. I don’t know if I ever will meet that definition and, as I contemplate that, I feel hopeless. Frankly, and I know that I should be more valiant in my support and in the work that I do, it’s exhausting to think of all that goes into being an ally to the extent if Jerilyn’s definition. Those standards that apparently must be met to be considered a good advocate are so lofty that I often feel defeated. I know family members that see this sort of hard line and settle back into a position of, “nothing I can do is ever good enough” and the message of love and personal revelation as mechanisms to help individuals grow more compassionate is lost.

    Keep up the good work Dan!

    1. Adam, I appreciated your thoughtful comments. You said what I was trying to say, but couldn’t. I feel so drawn to these causes, but struggle when I hear the Jerilyns of the world. I have been her in church settings in the past and am trying to undo my bouts of blindness with increased perspective. I have really appreciated Dan’s podcast, because I hear so many different and unique viewpoints.

      1. Skip, I appreciate your effort to increase your perspective and to find ways where you can advocate. I don’t think we need to fit any type of mold whether it be a Mormon mold or an ally mold.

        Also, I just asked my friend who is a member of the LGBTQ community if he would consider me as an “ally” and what I could do to be a better one. He laughingly said, “I will get with my group and discuss this but we only meet during the full moon.”

  3. I enjoyed very much the discussion relating to being an Ally. I am interested on the thoughts and experiences of others as to how to balance feelings of even the need for Allies within the institution of the LDS church on issues such as women and LGTB without development of feelings of doubt, resentment, anger toward the church institution, leadership, and membership. In short, how to continue to find value in associating with the church membership as a whole when the doctrine, social attitudes, and messages make it difficult to sit through a given Sunday meetings?
    This has become a struggle for me and my young adult children. As my daughter has told me “it is too difficult to sit through and listen sometimes, I am getting tired of going to church to make counterpoint rather than being uplifted by the Gospel of Christ”.
    Any suggestions?

  4. There is another ally below the parade ally, its called Big Man on Paper

    “I’d like to live in one world or another
    Baby one world or another would almost seem right
    I’d like to see peace on earth for my brother but I’m just a
    big man on paper”


    I know it is sexist and exercising male privilege, probably white male privilege since Graham Parker is white and male and sings this song. Still, I like the song.

  5. Wow this has been an interesting podcast. But the group who don’t have many allies is the disabled. I think that part of the issue is that since the passage of the ADA people think “Problems are solved”

    I have not found that being a disable feminist has been an easy road. While feminism is easily recognized the disability issues are not easily understood. I’ve found this to be true amongst those who I know who are disabled. I’m sad, angry and hoping that things will change.

  6. The characterization in the preamble seems to take as a given that a group’s demands are necessarily well founded…it is of course quite possible to make a false claim of “rights”,and those who ally with it are perhaps better termed “dupes”.”infiltrators”,or “collaborators”…

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