I was inspired by jmb275’s recent post on the Mormon Cultural Articles of Faith, so I thought I’d post an oldie but a personal favorite. Hope you enjoy!
My husband can do all the voices, but even without the voices, these are pretty spot on for style!
Top 10 Ways General Authorities eat
10. Paul H. Dunn: “I remember back in WWII that I ate a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Back then, they were big enough to live on for a week. Being the only soldier to have survived the battle in my brigade, I really didn’t know if I could eat it or not, but I remember my fallen buddy’s words as he died in my arms: “Paul, if you just take one bite at a time you can tackle anything.” So I took that giant cup and, breaking it with the bat Babe Ruth gave me after I struck him out with two outs in the bottom of the ninth in the seventh game of the World Series, proceeded to wolf down the tiny morsels.”
9. David B. Haight: “Imagine 70 years ago on a rough road between Idaho and Logan. There were no Circle K’s, no 7-11’s. You had to bring your Peanut Butter Cups with you. Ruby and I split one for the first time in 1937.
8. Dallin H. Oaks: “The Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup challenges us to consume. From the beginning there have been three steps in eating a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. First, remove the wrapper. This is best done quickly, by turning the cup over, grasping the outer fold and pulling away from the bottom, Second . . .
7. Joseph B. Wirthlin: “When I was young I would sprint to the corner store, buy a Reese’s and run my hand through my hair before taking it down in one bite. These days I don’t sprint (pause), and I have no hair (pause), but the Peanut Butter Cup remains.”
6. Richard G. Scott: “If you have not eaten a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, I plead with you. Eat one now. Enjoy the chocolate, the peanut butter. Do not delay. If you have thought, “That’s not for me”, I plead with you to reconsider. Of all foods I treasure, this one was the first.”
5. M. Russell Ballard: “The time has come when members of the church need to reach out to our friends and share a cup, a Peanut Butter Cup. It is not enough to raise a chocolate bar, it must now have peanut butter.”
4. Thomas S. Monson: “I remember I ate my first Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup when I was a tender lad of eight. My mother came up to me, and with a loving twinkle in her eye, asked, ‘Tommy, are you eating a Reese’s?’ And I would invariably smile up to her, ‘Yes, Yes, I am.’ ‘But Tommy, did you know that Sister Jensen next door hasn’t eaten a Reese’s Cup in years?’ My young mind thought upon the plight of my neighbor. Tears were shed. Hearts were gladdened. A cup was shared.”
3. Boyd K. Packer: “In all my years, I have always eaten my Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups the same way – the established way we have been instructed to eat them. There is a far greater evil in this world, though – those who believe they can eat their cups in a way unconventional to the time-honored manner. We must be true and faithful and eat our Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in the customary and recognized approach as it has been established.”
2. Neal A. Maxwell: “I intentionally initiate the delicious design of deglutition of the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup by nibbling a negligible nit of the culinary creamy cavalcade. It is exclusively through small entities that the great things are fabricated.”
1. J. Golden Kimball: “H#%ll, Heber, I’ll eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup any d%$*&d way I want!”